Posted for discussion and future reference

[metawidget]

Ask Culture and Guess Culture (Found via Captain Awkward)

I think I'm guess by nature, but I can see how ask would be a good one to have a feel for, at least to pull out of my back pocket when I need it.

I'm not sure which model fits more at work — big-organization people, civil servants in particular reading this: what do you think?

Comments

[metawidget]

This tab has been sitting here forever, waiting for me to chew on it.

I think class is huge — anything I've learned as decorum is very likely to be related to my class upbringing and situation, and there's a whole lot of decorum in Guess Culture.

One thought is that I am a bit reluctant to borrow things or call in favours, but one friend of mine in particular seems to be hard at work on breaking that for me — she feels she wants to help me/us out and share what she has, and do so by lending, helping, etc. Accepting does genuinely save us money and sometimes effort, and we get to see her, and I think she appreciates us pinging her when we can call in a favour. I just need to get over my rut and do it, knowing it's almost all win. I guess the reluctance does keep me from overdoing it :)

I love extending hospitality to people I like and sometimes even new people who just need it, on the other hand. I should do that more often. At work, I think I am getting to the point where I do just ask questions or see if someone wants a task (in both cases up, down or laterally). I don't know if that's my accumulation of work social capital or just practicality that comes with experience.

When I first noticed the post, I was reminded of people in my life that just flat out ask for stuff, often from a place of doing just fine and at kind of inconvenient times. I guess it saves bandwidth but I find it offensive. My damage? I'm not sure. I think maybe I find ask easier to deal with when the person is new or has a good relationship with me, and when it's couched in a bit of "if it's convenient" or preceded with "do you have a minute" or "can I ask you something". I have started my asks as a supervisor with something along the lines of "how's your workload?" to gauge what I should ask and to get them in a task frame of mind.

[amazon_syren]

Happy birthday, btw. :-)

Re: lots of decorum in Guess Culture: ye gods, is there ever! O.O

Re: People who just ask for stuff, even though it's inconvenient for you and they don't appear to need the help...
Yeah.
I think in a situation like that it's... Okay, (a) it's awkward as hell, because then you have the lovely choice between saying "This is really a bad time for me" and the many ways in which that can be read, misread, and poorly reacted to, or just doing the favour anyway... and the resentment that can grow because of it.
I know that I grew up in a household where the imperative tense was phrased as "Would you mind setting the table?"

That you make a point of checking in about work-load and such before making a request is, I think, a really good thing. :-)

Re: Social Capital (at work or otherwise):
It's always easier to ask people for help when you have a lot of social capital with them. :-)
I'm about a billion times more comfortable asking my friend, Moderatrix, to borrow her car than I am asking the same thing of, say, my mother.
It's also easier to say "Yes" to a request when you know someone well enough to know that it's not going to be a unidirectional thing all the time.