metawidget: A "palatable" icon with happy face licking lips and captions in both official languages.. (palatable)
I'm writing this from the kitchen table in my new place — I am in the process of moving out from the home I shared with Elizabeth since 2008. We got to a place where we had a big gulf between what each of us thought our relationship should be and I decided I needed some space and concordance between what our relationship had become and what the infrastructure looked like. So here I am, a kilometer and a half away in a little 1940s house with a bedroom for me and each kid, a woodstove (landlords promise to inspect and clean it before it gets cold) and a certain amount of distance. The kids seem pretty positive and practical about moving in; they'll be in on a supply run on the weekend to kit out their rooms while Elizabeth and Doug go to Toronto for a gig. Unless things go terribly, they'll have their first night here then, and then I'll get Vivien to the bus really early for her school trip to Quebec City.

What this all looks like emotionally going forward... is still up in the air. I was pretty unhappy with where things were going. Elizabeth seems to want to go straight to friends and I'm feeling more like getting the practicalities of co-parenting down, being fair while standing up for myself, setting some clear boundaries. I'm lucky to have a broad circle of support and some really good people close to me. Andrea says I'm brave, and has been there for me all through this. My parents are understanding. My peer group is proud I'm taking concrete action. Lots of people are offering help, even the kids (I'll make sure they get some choices about their space and also carry some boxes). It feels weird but maybe I do need to assemble some kind of separation registry and insist that people only contribute things they have doubles of or don't use -- partly to help get over the hump of expenses (and in to paying rents of the current era and child support) and partly so I don't just say "come to the housewarming" when they ask what they can do.
metawidget: A traffic cone and a blue chair sitting in the parking lane of a city street. (art or moving)
The older two are going back to school next week — school is open to Québec kids for optional classes, especially for kids who need a bit of extra support, and ours are both square pegs in their own ways and are missing school. With Elizabeth and me both being home-based workers at the moment, we can end the experiment pretty quickly if we need to, and we are all pretty robust and not in contact with anyone in an at-risk population, so it seems like an acceptable risk and we can be a dead-end for any contagion coming from the classroom. We got a message from Vivien's teacher and her class will have 10 kids, with rearranged desks and staggered recesses and lunches to avoid big congregations of kids. As a political decision, the Quebec approach might be flavoured by a belief in reopening the economy, but as a project with important health aspects, I think the school is doing pretty well and the kids are starting to get squirelly. We have to come up for air eventually, and this seems like a lower-risk way to do it. I think it's ethical especially if we share that we're doing this with people we might have contact with.

Ada, at four-almost-five, can pronounce “social distancing” pretty well. She was really keen to go to Kaleidoscope (August) with social distancing in place… we’ll see. One can hope (but I trust the organizers will be vigilant and careful)!

Us grown-ups have been thinking a bit of how we’ll proceed when restrictions lift, too — clearly deliberately and with some fulsome conversations, but the bridges will open eventually, and it sounds like some jurisdictions are encouraging people to pair households for mutual aid and companionship. With our relationships, a pair would still leave people out and probably result in some lopsided reconnecting, but with any luck it will be safe for us to rejoin some loved ones outside the house and the rules and good sense will let me see my Vanier loves, Heather and Andrea, soon enough. We'll have talked about it inside our polycule before the rules change, too, so we'll be ready!

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