Dispatches from a happy Hullian

My back is sadly hurting quite a bit, but I think it's on the mend. No long run for me this weekend; maybe I'll sneak in a few short/medium ones over the week. Marathon minus six weeks!

I think it got that way because last week was a bit of a doozy. Some hard conversations, plus my union is having a bit of a week, and our living room/dishwashing/cooking setup is not exactly ergonomic during the renovations. With any luck this week will be less bonkers.

I'm writing from a new-to-me desk in my basement lair. The old one was a converted sewing table with duct tape over the sharp edges; the new one is from my meta-metamour who was moving house and wanted a home for some stuff that wasn't coming with him (or anyone else in his soon to be reconfigured household). Vivien got a new bedside table, there's an improved bed coming to some kid (possibly Vivien as well) and we may turn around and rehome the wardrobe that was part of the package deal. The desk is from the era of tower desktop computers but I the setup feels pretty good. Elizabeth was kind of appalled by all the (quality) chipboard coming into the house but I feel it was an improvement over the stuff it's replacing and none of it will wind up where she has to look at it. I think the initial shock has blown over. Over a year ago I did a Year Compass and wrote that I wanted to make myself cozy with a new desk. I'm late but here it is. Maybe I'll take another look at what I was promising myself as 2022 was turning into 2023 and see what still resonates and whether there are some low-hanging fruit there.

Renovation: walls sanded, and this week should be a flurry of activities: painting, cabinet delivery, probably not a restored bathroom just yet but close. We did get to see my parents in law, all use their shower, and then go out to a very springtime sugar shack lunch and hike. Lunch was delicious and the hike was very muddy — I didn't quite keep up with my household with my back hurting, but in trying to keep up with them my parents in law were going at their own pace behind me. So kind of a short solo hike.

Waiting for my weekly rapid test result in the centre at work… today is the first day of the new phase of reopening, where measures go back to pre-Omicron. Still strong on masks and we'll see how many volunteers turn up (it's still almost entirely volunteer unless your job involves moving physical things around). It feels like spring is coming but Environment Canada is warning us we're going to get another dump of winter on Friday.

I'm eager to get out on my bike and run without slipping on the ice soon!

I'm in the late stages of organizing three virtual Positive Space workshops at work… curtains raise tomorrow on the first one. We've done it virtually before and I've got a mix of experienced facilitators and new talent signed up. It should go well!

What have you done lately for improving or maintaining your mental health? What more would you like to do?

I have been getting outside and moving almost every day — running, walking, biking — most days for an hour or more. I'm lucky to have that time to do it, and it feels good to move, get fresh air, and see my local area and how it all fits together. I know where my tofu burgers come from! I know how to get between neighbourhoods! Also, I got my first dose of COVID-19 vaccine (Team BioNTech/Pfizer for the curious, although really Team Get Something In My Arm), which is one thing off my mind and a step toward getting to the After Times.

When did you last eat something specifically because it was good for you?

I think the only thing I "eat" for health reasons is actually making a point of drinking water. I'll remind myself to take it easy on something rich or vapid but I try to eat things that I like eating.

These days, what are you learning about, and what would you like to learn about next?

Management, union-ing, exercise training (taper! cross-train! stretch!), 18xx games (mostly 1846).

What’s positive about your physical appearance lately?

I trimmed my hair and beard yesterday! And I'm a bit sleeker than pre-pandemic thanks to all this running.

What will you do this weekend to bring joy into your life and a smile to someone else?

I'm going to play silly online games with a friend living alone, help make nice food appear for Mother's Day, and DM a D&D session with some of my favourite people. And probably get outside on feet or wheels.

From f.riday5.com

I can see green grass here and there now, and my cycle commuting is back on track after a snow-related interruption earlier this week.

I've had some good news lately… the post-vasectomy test results came back all clear, and the promotion process I started in the fall has declared me qualified to gain a level — with any luck I can continue working on similar stuff to now but training and managing some help, but that's for management to decide.

I was slated to do some teaching internationally somewhere in the Caribbean (for learners from across the Caribbean) but the project has been bumped over to more senior people. Which is mostly a blessing because I have plenty going on, and it got bumped from February when going somewhere hot sounds appealing, to June, when 40 degrees happens. It stings a bit to be pulled but it's for the best.

I did get to teach locally, though — a Positive Space training with a new set of materials and approach I developed with Deirdre. I think it went quite well, and it qualifies more volunteers at StatCan and Health Canada to do listening and referral.

Elizabeth has been really busy with music — open mics, house shows, a show in Wakefield coming up… it's nice to have that heating up after a long fall but it has been an adjustment in terms of time and energy available for her and me. We're off to an afternoon open mic today with the kids… it's been a while since we've had kids take in her music in a venue. I hope they'll let her do her thing, cheer at the end and munch on fries during (rather than rush the stage)!

Next week I'm contract bargaining most of the week… I hope we make some good progress toward a solid agreement. I get to draft the bargaining updates. I'm learning a lot and think I'm making a difference.

Today I saw a bear just off the side of the bike trail through Gatineau Park (near the intersection of the trail parallel to the parkway and the trail parallel to Allumettières). I was wondering why the oncoming cyclist was way over to the left and then I saw a black bear cub that she was clearly giving a little space. I didn't stop to take a picture.
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It's been a bit of a month, I guess. And it's only the middle.

I've been on a routine maintenance kick lately — I started with a physical for my pension buyback, got my allergies assessed, blood checked out, shots updated. I probably have one more bunch of paper to pick up, then I'm done outside of flu shots for three years. Aside from that: eat well and be active as usual, but take some B12 to help my red blood cells keep up with the rigours of life — no need to be more exhausted than strictly necessary!

I considered signing up for a vasectomy after our third baby is born — three is a good number for us, I think. The week of not lifting kids or walking unnecessarily during recovery sounds like something better scheduled for when everyone is in school, though. I have my referral; maybe I can call it in in 2020. Meanwhile: maybe someone needs some proven-fertile (and, judging from our kids, smart, energetic and funny) genetic material? I am out of the blood system but maybe qualifying to give sperm is within reach — although an initial web search indicates that Canada doesn't have much of a sperm bank system outside of one operation in Toronto… possibly due to strict laws against the sale of sperm. It seems that all abject terror of markets for sperm has done is atrophy the collection system. I've read about egg donation, and it is kind of terrifying, risky and probably did need measures in place to discourage exploitation of broke people with ovaries. I'm also a bit mystified that there aren't enough potential donors to support a centre in a major-ish urban area. Surely there are many people who are fertile and who wouldn't mind sharing the wealth with people having difficulties or lacking an easier source of sperm. As it is, apparently it is completely legal to buy gametes from the States and abroad: there's something a little off about that.

I don't know that I have any good conclusions, but it is a little odd and frustrating.

Well, I think I managed on average to floss about half of the days in year #33, and I've had a lighter touch with the filters online and in person. I think this was a four- or five- massage bar year and I got somewhat better at bringing back beer bottles. The mortgage breathed its last in May, and now our "make the house warmer and the kitchen fit us better" fund is growing fast and I'll be closing in on my RRSP deduction limit. We have a six-foot wooden fence with a gate that Oscar keeps figuring out as we secure it better (now he just wriggles under it), but at least he's down to one choke-point, and we did try! On the stuff I didn't do so well in from last year's list, I didn't get that check-up (no family doctor and not quite enough drive to get it done at a walk-in clinic), and I don't know that I made any big strides in relationship communication — appreciation, I think, and adventures, for sure, and some fine-tuning in timing and medium, but it's something I can still try to work on.

In the no-deadline parts of the list, we increased doctor coverage from zero of us to Vivien, and maybe Oscar in the fall. I started a new position, for which I'm learning a bunch of stuff and alternating between feeling competent and feeling like I just opened an overstuffed closet and the top shelf fell on me. My aches and pains had a good go at me in the spring, but I think I'm done with sciatica for a while and feeling generally as good as I was at last list time. In improving the house, we got a dishwasher, which might count, and I fixed the back stairs last week — their surprise collapse would've been hard on the comfort of whoever was on them at the time. The kids are gaining competence at a frightening pace and Oscar declared he wanted hugs and fire for his birthday party, so we're doing something right even as I feel I could use more patience and humour sometimes.

Here's what I would like to achieve in the next year:

• Keep up the flossing.
• Communicate better in relationships.
• Continue to wear through massage bars.
• Make the house cheaper to heat, either with insulation or a heating system upgrade, or both.
• Getting a GP and a checkup/vaccination update might be a tall order, but I will attempt to start allergy shots so I'm popping fewer antihistamines next summer. If I can do allergies and deferred maintenance, all the better.
• Somehow fix the Wike's stroller mode. As it is, the walking wheel doesn't hold up under our frequent use — three bolts to one frame member is no match for the leverage exerted by bumps and curbs.
• Give the promotion process this fall my best shot, and accept whatever comes of it gracefully.
• Reach out to a few more people at work in the hope of developing a new friendship or two.

Here are some longer-term things:

• Round out home heating improvements and make the kitchen suit us better.
• Raise competent, well-adjusted kids. Do so with good humour, love and trust in them.
• Take care of my body and try and make my list of aches and pains not increase monotonically.
• Get family doctors for all of us in the household.
• Continue to like my job, be good at it, and be worthy of the respect of my co-workers.
• Keep learning new things, and consolidate dabbling into competent in new areas from time to time.

I hope I'll do at least as well between now and next birthday as I did in the last year or so.

Oscar's default pronoun has shifted from 'it' to 'she' — I think it may be that 'h' sounds are hard, but for now the feminine includes the masculine for him.

Also, the last time I took naproxen was Thursday. My leg is not perfect, but it's manageable. Yay, feeling better and walking it off.

Last night, with the kids in the care of my parents-in-law, Elizabeth and I went to Atelier Denu at UQO. She brought her drawing supplies and I brought a bathrobe and sandals (for the break, so I wouldn't get cold).

There were about half a dozen people drawing, which is a small crowd for Denu, probably due to the brutally cold weather. The platform had chairs on all sides, but people clustered up at and near the tables, putting them in something like a 120° arc. Shawn had given me a quick training on Monday and I'd tried a couple of timed poses to see what my legs were willing to do for me ahead of time, but I was planning on mostly making things up as I went along. In addition to the platform with its mat, pillows and sheet, there were easels, a ball, a broomstick and a little promotional beer pail at my disposal.

The poses started at two minutes, and worked their way up to seventeen. I did my best to vary facing and level, and mix props and propless poses. I think I got in a good variety, and managed to hold still even in ones that turned out to be physically difficult. It wasn't always obvious which ones would be: I did a supine pose with one arm off the platform that turned out to be quite tiring, and a long prone one, almost going-to-sleep, that had so many points of contact with myself that I felt like a big mess of pins and needles by the end. Climbing the easel, a big open pose with the broomstick, and some modified yoga poses were all easier than I'd thought they would be.

Mentally, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Once I was up there, I was thinking about position, stability, breath and keeping my focus on that bit of debris or architectural feature to keep my gaze and position stable, mixed in with wandering thoughts about life outside the studio. It was very much my yoga-space, as far as my thoughts were concerned, which shows both that I'm something of a technically-oriented yoga person (to the detriment of all the noble stuff my mind could be doing while in a pose), and that maybe the time and money I've spent on yoga classes can have tangible benefits — two modelling sessions would pay for one semester of weekly yoga at work! I think I felt most naked right after taking off my clothes, after that everything else was more pressing. It didn't hurt that the room was at a comfortable temperature, the doors were closed and the air was still.

It was also a notable night in that for the first time, we left both kids in the care of others. When we got back, Oscar was basically asleep: a little wibbly and fussy still, but in his room in the dark and easy to cover, calm and leave to doze off. Vivien was a bit distraught but happy to get Mama back, and Elizabeth's parents didn't seem particularly frazzled by two and a half hours of both kids. I think we all knew this was about what would happen, but it was still good to get the proof that Elizabeth and I can escape for a bit together. It took until eight months with Oscar for us to get a date in, so evidently we're something like 50% more confident by some measure this time around. A two and a half hour date isn't long, but not bad for parents with a baby who's still not into complementary foods.

I think I could definitely be a nude drawing model again. I didn't have any epiphanies or crises up there: it was a pretty relaxing and satisfying gig (although my muscles were a bit sore afterward). I'd recommend giving it a try to anyone considering it, and Denu feels like it might be a better-than-average place to give it a try.

I've been remembering more dreams lately. Some of them, I even remember long enough to post here.

In one dream, I was trying to find my way out of a huge shopping mall. I was remembering little aphorisms, one of which was all about the importance of the fourth floor. The exit, including a Metro exit (must've been Montréal), was in fact on the fourth floor. I guess my inner Discordian was asleep at the switch in picking the floor.

In another, I was talking to a doctor who told me that my heart was not working right and that I would not live past 60. That's some pretty slow heart disease, I guess, but I felt really crushed in the dream knowing that my life was half over.

In a third, the recurring test/course/whatever that graduated students all dream about missing, remembering and realizing that their graduation was null and void, all for the want of a French credit, had the academic thing replaced by a vet appointment.