Dispatches from a happy Hullian

I'm writing this from the kitchen table in my new place — I am in the process of moving out from the home I shared with Elizabeth since 2008. We got to a place where we had a big gulf between what each of us thought our relationship should be and I decided I needed some space and concordance between what our relationship had become and what the infrastructure looked like. So here I am, a kilometer and a half away in a little 1940s house with a bedroom for me and each kid, a woodstove (landlords promise to inspect and clean it before it gets cold) and a certain amount of distance. The kids seem pretty positive and practical about moving in; they'll be in on a supply run on the weekend to kit out their rooms while Elizabeth and Doug go to Toronto for a gig. Unless things go terribly, they'll have their first night here then, and then I'll get Vivien to the bus really early for her school trip to Quebec City.

What this all looks like emotionally going forward... is still up in the air. I was pretty unhappy with where things were going. Elizabeth seems to want to go straight to friends and I'm feeling more like getting the practicalities of co-parenting down, being fair while standing up for myself, setting some clear boundaries. I'm lucky to have a broad circle of support and some really good people close to me. Andrea says I'm brave, and has been there for me all through this. My parents are understanding. My peer group is proud I'm taking concrete action. Lots of people are offering help, even the kids (I'll make sure they get some choices about their space and also carry some boxes). It feels weird but maybe I do need to assemble some kind of separation registry and insist that people only contribute things they have doubles of or don't use -- partly to help get over the hump of expenses (and in to paying rents of the current era and child support) and partly so I don't just say "come to the housewarming" when they ask what they can do.

Bargaining meetings with the employer start tomorrow — two days of staking out our positions and interests and getting a feel for each other. All us on the bargaining team have been asked to do some brief introductions including what their constituency has been doing for the public in These Exceptional Times. As the Researcher rep... we're a real grab bag; it's been fun crafting a list for maximum entropy.

Heather and I decided to de-escalate out of romantic partnership in December. We're still planning to be in each other's lives in the long term, we enjoy each other's kids and still have a partner in common, but if things are a little weird, we're not in the same place at the same time as much or we're a little glum or emotional, that might be related.

The Ottawa marathon is less than 18 weeks away. I've been running with the work group and did a half in the snow a couple weeks ago, which might've been overdoing it a bit. Feeling better now (and have been doing 3-5km lunch runs in the interim) but next long run might be more like 15-16 km.

Andrea and I celebrated six years together on Sunday — we wandered the Ottawa Art Gallery and took a look at the Rideau Canal (no skating allowed yet) and had a nice supper at The Albion Rooms. Our server seemed to be holding down the whole place alone and had a bit of an anxious vibe, but the food was uniformly delicious. With everything that's happened over the past six years it's hard to say if six years feels accurate, but I know I'm still filled with delight in and admiration of her. We're safe harbours for each other and I hope we'll keep being that and more for each other for many years to come.

Work involves more tinkering with budgets and juggling tasks than I'd like, due to budget tightening, and there are still many rough patches in the return to the office — local management is showing some willingness to fix or roll back things that aren't working, though. I attended a Lean skills seminar last week and one of the things that struck me was the value of actually zeroing your task list from time to time. I'm not sure if I can manage that, but maybe a month where at the very least I don't re-migrate any tasks I migrated the previous month would be attainable.

It's been a bit of a challenging winter and spring here, as everywhere. We're all still healthy here, employed, eating eggs from the backyard hens, so not as challenging as it could be, but still.

One of my union colleagues died last weekend. Mehran was quick to welcome me aboard when I got elected to the national Research Group executive, and quick to be friendly and to do what needed doing in general. He was also curious and open and talked happily of his love of food, dance and life in between matters of helping members and being good unionists. I'll miss him; there'll be a very empty virtual chair next weekend at the Group meeting.

Work is a bit of a slog... getting traction and coordinating people is hard and tiring sometimes, and there's a lot of staff movement and random requests going around. I might be able to make some good changes in an upcoming Lean process review, which would help me feel like I'm leaving things in good shape when I find an opportunity somewhere that fits me better. The return to virtual school for the kids, extended one week at a time since Easter, has thrown my routine and energy out of wack, even though Elizabeth has been taking the brunt of the daytime parenting. I have a fair amount of extracurricular stuff going on — Positive Space is getting more active again, union work continues with consultation and a stewarding case that might have legs. Those extras are work but they help make work more meaningful. In good pandemic news, our age slices are up for registering for a first shot next week... I'm hoping for Johnson and Johnson just so I'll be done (and apparently there are 300k doses of J&J coming into Canada now, but there are some possible bumps), but any shot in my arm is a good shot.

I've been mixing running and biking for my mental health/exercise time. I'm still shooting to run and now also bike every public street with asphalt and a name — I'm over half done on the bike and nearly two-thirds on feet. I've been varying it partly because if I run long distances too many days in a row my muscles have some concerns. But overall I'm getting pretty good at this, and seeing everywhere in the Hull sector at least twice, sometimes in different seasons, has been pretty cool. I know where our favourite tofu burgers come from because I've run past the factory in an industrial park. I can see new streets and developments go up, moving the goalposts for this whole silly game.

I'm missing seeing my Vanier loves in person — we've got our stopgaps — virtual D&D, grove rituals (happy Beltaine!), video storytime (Heather has finished the first book of Lord of the Rings with the kids) and various one-on-one chats. I used to do walk-and-talk after the kids were in bed by phone, but the 8 PM curfew has made that harder. Once the restrictions are loosened maybe walking and talking in person will be a thing again.

We have four two-week-old chicks in the upstairs bathroom right now… Elizabeth found an ad in Kijiji for chicks now, as opposed to many offers of getting on a waitlist for chicks, so I drove to Tay Valley to pick up chicks. The kids are super excited. Given that the offer came as a bit of a surprise, we scrambled a bit for bedding and supplies, so they're in deluxe pet store bedding.

Earlier in the week I dreamt of flooding in our area… maybe Michigan got in my unconscious, or maybe it was the high river here a couple of years ago that had me staying home (and working from home a bit… but we lost a lot of time because telework technology and policy were pretty limiting back then). In any case, I dreamt my basement office lair was full of water. I think the risk this year is mostly passed!

Tuesday I took a distanced walk with Heather… first time near her since March, and first time in Ottawa as well. People were out and about in pairs and threes mostly, spaced out and enjoying walking and talking photos on the closed-to-car-traffic Alexandra Bridge (police blockades were down but bridge repairs continue). It felt refreshing, and will probably be a first step to carefully seeing more of other. I'm looking forward to a walk with Andrea and sitting safely far apart around an outdoor hearth with both of them soon!

The older two are going back to school next week — school is open to Québec kids for optional classes, especially for kids who need a bit of extra support, and ours are both square pegs in their own ways and are missing school. With Elizabeth and me both being home-based workers at the moment, we can end the experiment pretty quickly if we need to, and we are all pretty robust and not in contact with anyone in an at-risk population, so it seems like an acceptable risk and we can be a dead-end for any contagion coming from the classroom. We got a message from Vivien's teacher and her class will have 10 kids, with rearranged desks and staggered recesses and lunches to avoid big congregations of kids. As a political decision, the Quebec approach might be flavoured by a belief in reopening the economy, but as a project with important health aspects, I think the school is doing pretty well and the kids are starting to get squirelly. We have to come up for air eventually, and this seems like a lower-risk way to do it. I think it's ethical especially if we share that we're doing this with people we might have contact with.

Ada, at four-almost-five, can pronounce “social distancing” pretty well. She was really keen to go to Kaleidoscope (August) with social distancing in place… we’ll see. One can hope (but I trust the organizers will be vigilant and careful)!

Us grown-ups have been thinking a bit of how we’ll proceed when restrictions lift, too — clearly deliberately and with some fulsome conversations, but the bridges will open eventually, and it sounds like some jurisdictions are encouraging people to pair households for mutual aid and companionship. With our relationships, a pair would still leave people out and probably result in some lopsided reconnecting, but with any luck it will be safe for us to rejoin some loved ones outside the house and the rules and good sense will let me see my Vanier loves, Heather and Andrea, soon enough. We'll have talked about it inside our polycule before the rules change, too, so we'll be ready!

Back from Banff, and the collective agreement passed the member vote on Monday — life is pretty good right now!

Banff was a really fun adventure — time with Heather, Andrea, Morgen and Oscar; seeing some glaciers; hiking every day; no major logistical bumps! Oscar had lots of questions and observations about air travel and (surprisingly to me) declared his favourite adventures to be the hot springs. I think he liked the ritual — hot, cold, ramps, taps… and maybe the fact that the Nordik here is 16+ so he got to do an older teenager thing. The hot springs we visited were very different from the Nordik, though: run by Parks Canada, only slightly more expensive than bus fare, and lots of families and middle-class-looking people, and also several languages being spoken around us. Both at Radium Springs and at Banff. Might be a Western thing and it was refreshing.

I'm back at work for another couple of days and then back into the woods to revel with the ecumenical pagans… I've been roped into helping out with a ritual, and we're starting to plan a small communal camp kitchen. I'm looking forward to more down time before a busy fall of continuing to learn my new business line and continuing union stuff. I was thinking of trying to organize a little workshop for organizer types to drink mead, swap tips and share stories, good and bad… but maybe next year, or maybe just informally in the time I might have been ill-advisedly participating in foam sword duels… and if I just relax and ritualize, that will be fine too.

We have a fridge and potable water again! Yay, back to 21st century privileged life.

I also got to take care of little Morgen while Heather and Andrea went out to see a play… I mostly just swayed while she slept on me, but it's nice to make the mutual aid more mutual — Heather in particular has helped a ton taking care of our kids.

Vivien is in a Hallowe'en mood already. Choice quotes:

"There are no ghosts upstairs… they promise!"

And she was decorating her trick or treat bag with stuff: "a pumpkin, a skull, and a BLOOD BANANA!"

I can't resist saying "BLOOD BANANA!" randomly now.

Just finished my second week at home with the kids while Elizabeth was teaching in Kingston. With the older two in school much of the day, a lot of my time during the day involved errands and hanging around with Ada. She is getting so articulate, and is generally cheerful and musical as she goes about her day. We did a bunch of shopping, brought some ancient hazardous things to the Ecocentre, and kept the house from self-destructing. I got into the rhythm of things and enjoyed the change of pace… but it is definitely a lot of work keeping the logistics of the day going and I'm impressed with what Elizabeth gets done on a regular basis.

Outside of the workday, I had lots of help and company from Heather and Andrea… they took the kids on a museum adventure on a ped day when I was at a training session downtown, and we has lots of time all together with the kids. We had dagibbs over for Brass one night and he almost didn't win (which would have been news). I really enjoyed spending lots of time bonding and just being with my interprovincial loves (with kids awake and with kids asleep). We'll be back to seeing each other regularly but quite as much as we've managed in the past couple of weeks. I look forward to the next opportunity like this!

I popped my shoulder out for the first time in a while a week ago, between doing up my pants and reaching for my toothbrush (I wish I had more exciting stories for these incidents). After a day of naproxen, I was feeling better on Monday. I think a lot of whether it pops is linked to stress and tiredness.

Now that Elizabeth is back, her writing, recording and performing well be part of things around here, as well as work and union stuff for me… Positive Space, re-weighting and bargaining are front and centre for me. It's a little unreal but I'm looking forward to re-engaging with all that starting next week.

Unrelated: you should watch this magical time-lapse footage.